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Apr 28 14 8:36 PM

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This is a place for me to post weird realizations. Once the rest of you stop being all self conscious about your own inner weirdnesses, you can join in too.

Except today's realization is not about me. I realized, whilst trying to come up with new favorite drawings, that Allie has never posted a drawing of a cat. What is up with that?
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#1 [url]

Apr 29 14 9:53 PM

UPDATE: Posted, no, but published, yes! There is an illustration of a cat in her book. See if you can find it!

If you don't already own her book, well, you may as well continue in your nonownership of it. You had your chance, and your erstwhile eternal soul is now forfeit. Didn't know it was so easy to screw up eternity, did ya?

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#2 [url]

May 3 14 10:50 PM

There's something weird with my mind. There's a part of it constantly cogitating, ever working on parodying song lyrics. If a song enters and stays long enough, this mental component will mount an immune-like response, attacking the song incessantly with permutations of parody.

In actuality, this does not seem to be very useful. The invading song is thoroughly ridiculed but does not become unstuck. The chief outcome is inane song fragments start to clutter the surrounding areas in my mind. Gems like "Don't stop - relieving (It's running down the boulevard)" and "Combat, baby / Rock & roll never forgives". How is that useful? I dare anybody to explain that as evolutionarily advantageous.

Also like an immune system, this weird little brain piece tends to act out when it has nothing better to do. Sometimes, it remixes. Can you imagine hearing Linkin Park rap "Papercut" over the tune of "Big Pimpin'"? I can - I've heard it. IN MY HEAD. On loop, for days on end.

Let's examine the relative merits and drawbacks of having an imaginary song parody stuck in your head.

- No weird "why do you keep listening to that song over and over?" questions.
- It's your song to do with as you please. Nobody can stop you from splicing in dub step or complain that it doesn't go like that.

- It's your song alone. There is no authoritative work, finite, with a discrete beginning and a conclusive end, to which you can physically listen in hopes of escaping your madness.
- Every repetition cheapens the original song and further diminishes your hemorrhaging intellect.
- Rock & roll never forgives.

The only logical outlet for this personal torment generator may be to weaponize it. Can a deleteriously stupid song parody be spread?

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#5 [url]

Jun 8 14 9:36 PM

Hi max! Yes, I mean no, I reached (arguably) adulthood having never realized that... Twinges of shame, crossed with some relief from not being alone in that.

So how about this? Uncle SAM = U. S. AMerica! It's been hiding right there all along! And whilst the mindblowing is ongoing, consider this: Kyoto, rearranged, is Tokyo.

W. T. F.

Both those sneaked by me for most of my life. I'll post more as I think of them. They are many.

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#6 [url]

Jun 14 14 7:23 AM

tisk tisk

I went a shamefully and embarrassingly long time before realizing that "tsk tsk" was onomatopoeia for that non-vocal half-click half-suck noise you make with your alveolar ridge and tongue to make someone feel ashamed of themselves.

I just walked around for years mockingly saying "tisk tisk, Bob!" But I was complelely undetected because they just thought I was being corny/ironical about the paradoxical spelling of "tsk tsk." So they didn't know I didn't know.

Once I knew, it was a like slowly falling down thought stairs for a few months.

But now that I know, I still say "tisk tisk," with more gusto.

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#7 [url]

Jun 14 14 10:20 PM

:) I admire that.

If I'm in danger of getting something wrong, I find that I purposely get it completely wrong in dramatic fashion, so everybody knows I was being funny or was not really trying. This has the downside that nobody corrects me, leaving me an ignoramus saddled with the added burden that I know I'm both ignorant and a fraud.

But some ignorances slip out anyway, presenting opportunities to indulge in the embarrassments of ignorance as well. Like that time I thought the singer of Rush was a woman.

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#9 [url]

Jun 14 14 11:50 PM

I'm glad you like it, even with the typo. I'll blame the sleep deprivation. ;-)

Don't feel bad about Rush. I thought Ray LaMontagne was a woman until I saw the name...and then his face...not only is he a man but a shaggy man. Blew my mind.

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#10 [url]

Jun 28 14 4:51 PM


I realised that..well, you know when you turn your head and look behind you suddenly, you think you catch a glimpse of somebody/something? Well, I think if your head rotated very fast one way like Linda Blair's, you'd actually see yourself at a previous moment. Like...time travel?? Anyway, that's my realisation. Not very real but.

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#11 [url]

Jun 30 14 9:59 PM

Natch, it's only working for me whilst in front of the mirror. And I can't make it past a handful of nanoseconds, which just isn't enough time to warn myself of all the terrible mistakes I am going to make.

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#12 [url]

Jun 30 14 10:06 PM

Oh. New chortle-come-lately realization from me: "Chick" as slang for a girl derives from Spanish "chica" for girl.* Nice epiphany, self! Glad you could finally join us.

* May not in fact be true. However I refuse to research the etymology because I am too proud of having the realization to risk having to unwind it.

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#13 [url]

Jul 1 14 7:50 AM

Love this...

chortle wrote:
Nice epiphany, self! Glad you could finally join us.
... I am too proud of having the realization to risk having to unwind it.

Very nice taunt without being really mean. ;-) 
And I completely understand the risk aversion there.

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#15 [url]

Jul 15 14 9:37 AM

I don't know what's real anymore.

Didn't happen today, but i recently discovered that silent letters are pronounced.

Seriously, say gnome and nome verbally and tell me the base of your tongue doesn't touch the roof of your mouth on the former... Told you so.

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#17 [url]

Aug 10 15 10:10 AM

When I was 12 years old I accidentally swallowed a Lay's Ruffle potato chip whole. It traveled into my shoulder and is still there to this day. I am completely firm on that fact because every now and then it acts up and hurts all day long. It's lodged somewhere between my collarbone and shoulder ball. People tell me this is an impossibility but I feel they are wrong.

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