There's something weird with my mind. There's a part of it constantly cogitating, ever working on parodying song lyrics. If a song enters and stays long enough, this mental component will mount an immune-like response, attacking the song incessantly with permutations of parody.
In actuality, this does not seem to be very useful. The invading song is thoroughly ridiculed but does not become unstuck. The chief outcome is inane song fragments start to clutter the surrounding areas in my mind. Gems like "Don't stop - relieving (It's running down the boulevard)" and "Combat, baby / Rock & roll never forgives". How is that useful? I dare anybody to explain that as evolutionarily advantageous.
Also like an immune system, this weird little brain piece tends to act out when it has nothing better to do. Sometimes, it remixes. Can you imagine hearing Linkin Park rap "Papercut" over the tune of "Big Pimpin'"? I can - I've heard it. IN MY HEAD. On loop, for days on end.
Let's examine the relative merits and drawbacks of having an imaginary song parody stuck in your head.
- No weird "why do you keep listening to that song over and over?" questions.
- It's your song to do with as you please. Nobody can stop you from splicing in dub step or complain that it doesn't go like that.
- It's your song alone. There is no authoritative work, finite, with a discrete beginning and a conclusive end, to which you can physically listen in hopes of escaping your madness.
- Every repetition cheapens the original song and further diminishes your hemorrhaging intellect.
- Rock & roll never forgives.
The only logical outlet for this personal torment generator may be to weaponize it. Can a deleteriously stupid song parody be spread?